A Talk With God

Last night as I lay in bed talking to God, I started down my list of people for whom I pray (due to hardship or illness in their lives) and saved my Dad for last. Dad was diagnosed with cancer in October of last year. Anyway, I saved him for last because I decided to cut a deal with God. If He would give my family a miracle, and put Dad into remission for at least 2 more years, and let him live without pain or weakness or fear, I would committ the rest of my life to serving God in whatever way He wanted me to. All He had to do was fix Dad, and then lead me into whatever direction or give me a sign to let me know what He wanted in return.... no questions asked. It donned on me that I was putting into practice one of the stages of death that people go through,and,,I immediately felt badly that I was assuming Dad isn't going to make it through this. So..I asked for more faith,,AS WELL AS giving Dad a couple years of pain free and happy life. I know that there is a reason for all things that happen in our lives,,and I can CLEARLY see how our family has changed for the better because of my father having to suffer from this horrible disease. But my father, is one of the sweetest, most down to earth, generous souls I've ever known....and I don't understand why he's got to deal with this. Either way, I wasn't questioning God,,I was merely putting an offer on the table to see what happens.

How WOULD I serve God? I have often thought I'd like to have been a nun. I can't imagine what a peaceful life it would be to live life for God 24/7, and not have to deal with jobs, and bills, etc. I dont really know how nun-ship works, but in my mind, it's all about living in a quiet convent and having hours on end to learn about God and the kinder side of life. However, since Im not Catholic, and since I committ at least one of the seven deadlys on a daily basis, it probably wouldn't work out so well. Oh sure, I've taken clothes to Goodwill, but mostly to get them out of my house during cleaning sprees. I've committed random acts of kindness (I love to pay for the person's order behind me at McDonald's when I get breakfast in the drive-thru,,,they always get a shocked look on their faces when Im driving away and the cashier is pointing at me saying "I don't know,,she just said to buy yours too"), but what could I do that would really serve God? Any thoughts? Once I thought I'd go read to little kids at school if there were such a program, but decided I'd not be comfortable enough to do something like that. Once I called the soup kitchen to donate my yearly turkey that I get at my job at Thanksgiving, but I kept getting a machine and nobody returned my call. One year I decided I would help serve dinner on Christmas at the homeless shelter, but was told they don't have a dinner on Christmas, or any other holidays. (What!?!!) I always throw a hundred into the donation box at work for buying toys at Christmas for needy kids, or if there's a collection for someone going through a hardship, I put whatever I can towards it. But when it boils down to it,,,I'd rather DO something, than just throw money somewhere to make myself feel like Im giving back. So,,if you have any suggestions, I'm open to them. And not just to buy God's grace where Dad is concerned, but because I've been hugely blessed in my life, and I'd really like to give something back that doesn't serve my own conscience.
I read somewhere that Mother Theresa had no material belongings other than the few items of clothing she wore. I was in awe of her. I wonder what it's like to be that unencumbered by materialism? I wonder if people are so bored and inactive in doing something meaningful with their lives that they feel they need new and bigger toys constantly to keep them amused? Im not judging (I have no room to),,,I'm just curious.

One final thing....for the people whose lives have been touched by cancer (I have a hard time saying the word out loud, and even typing it),,,you're in my prayers this night. For all the shit you're going through, have gone through, have watched a loved one go through...you have my heart felt best wishes for a time when you can relax and have a little peace in your life. God bless...