Pop's Trip to KU

Mom called me at work today when they were leaving Kansas City. She said the oncologist there told them pretty much the same as the oncologist here. She had no sadness in her voice, was just reporting the facts to me, and sounded like a mom telling a child what a word means. I knew, and she knew I knew, that she was crying inside, but didnt want Pop to know how much she was hurting. I called them to make sure they got home okay, and talked to Pop for a bit this evening. Asked him if he was gonna try chemo again. He said he doesnt know, and will worry about it tomorrow. I know he wont want to, but Mom will ask him to try it, and if he starts feeling sick again he can quit. He'll do it for her. He'll do anything for her, and she'll do anything for him.

Shortly after the phone call, I left work. I didnt come home and cry. I just came home. My world isnt spinning off its axis, and Im not angry or weepy,,,,Im just tired. I cant remember the last time I didnt feel tired,,physically and mentally. I cant remember the last time I was really really happy. I hope it comes again someday.

I am thinking I'll start looking for a tater-head terrier. Dad will shake his head and say "for pity's sake, we dont need another animal". But,,,he will love it, and especially if it can lay on the bed with him and eat little bites of cheese and crackers with him.

Think I need to go sit for a while and just be.